How to Simplify for Stress-Free Holidays

There is a common assumption that although the holidays are joyful, they are also, by nature, stressful. The holiday season conjures up images of parents going store to store, buying extravagant gifts to create the perfect Christmas for their kids.

The supposed perfect holiday includes ideal and plentiful gifts for everyone, lavish meals, and envy-inducing decorations, and advertisers try their hardest to sell us each of these ideas. I cringe at toy catalogs arriving in October, encouraging kids to “find” their Christmas wishes, and after-Thanksgiving sales starting ever earlier, promising amazing deals on things people didn’t even know they wanted and probably don’t need.

It doesn’t have to be this way! Ever since we got married, my husband and I have tried to keep the holidays simple in our home, and we have redoubled our commitment since we had kids. We want to create family traditions that bring us together and create memories of people, experiences, and faith, not just piles of gifts or Martha Stewart-approved decorations and parties.

We want something different for our family, something truly meaningful. Here are some of our strategies.

Dream of what you want the holidays to be

A simple holiday will not look the same in every family. Simplifying just means cutting out the unnecessary to make room for more of what you love.

You know that you don’t want stress and materialism to rule your holidays, but what do you want instead? Do you want to have a fun time as a family, playing games or music, watching holiday movies, baking cookies, spending time in nature? Do you want to explore your faith, share holiday stories with your kids, or volunteer in your community? Do you want to spend less time shopping so you can host a holiday party for your friends this year?

When your kids are grown and starting their own families, what memories of the holidays do you most want them to cherish? Keep that image in your head as you decide where you want to simplify or what you want to add to your celebrations. The chances are good that what you are imagining does not cost much money or center around extravagant gifts.

Examine your motives

If the idea of a simpler holiday makes you nervous, it is likely that you are subconsciously trying to impress someone – your relatives, friends, parents, or neighbors. Do you worry that your sister-in-law will ask your kids, “What did you get for Christmas?” and your kids won’t have impressive responses? Do you go all-out, National Lampoon-style, on lighting displays to impress your neighbors?

Or perhaps you worry that a simpler holiday will mean letting your kids down. I find it very sad that the expression “she wants to give her kids a good Christmas” means “she wants to give her kids a big pile of presents under the tree.” Most of us will readily admit that money cannot buy happiness, and yet we seem to forget this around the holidays. More presents will not make your kids happier; in fact, it could have the opposite effect.

Set limits on gifts

We all enjoy giving good gifts to our children, myself included. I love surprising my kids and seeing their reactions, and hey, it’s been a long time since we all got to play with toys ourselves. While some families choose to simplify by cutting out gifts entirely, I would guess that most of us like the gift-giving aspect of the holidays.

The problem with gift-giving is when it all becomes too much, when it overwhelms both the giver and the recipient. Parents pore over catalogs to make gift lists (or have their kids do so) and spend time wandering malls or circling parking lots. Kids become so starry-eyed and overwhelmed by a pile of gifts that they rip each present open, glance at its contents, and move on to the next, truly enjoying none of them! And in the flurry of activity around gifts, we forget the real meaning of the holiday and the vision we have for our family.

Limits can help by reducing the stress on both the giver and recipient. The giver can enjoy getting just a few well-chosen gifts and stopping when enough is enough. Buying fewer gifts means that each gift can be of high quality and well thought-out. The recipient can better value each gift because it does not get lost in a pile.

Setting limits will look different depending on your specific goals, but decide on a guideline and stick to it. This could be a number of gifts or a budget, or even a theme. Some families choose to do three gifts for each child: one toy, one book, and one new article of clothing. Other families dispense with store-bought gifts and limit the gift exchange to homemade gifts.

We usually aim for three gifts for each child and one or two for each adult. Sometimes we even do joint gifts. For example, when my oldest was about to turn three and could play more board games, we had a Christmas when we stocked up on board games, both kid games and family games. Although we labeled the gifts for specific people to open them, we knew that the games were meant for all of us to enjoy. Last year, we got some musical instruments for us to learn as a family, some percussion for the little ones and a guitar for the adults.

In all of this, the goal is to use gifts to express our love and build memories together, not to make them the focus of the season.

Manage expectations

If your kids are old enough to have memories or expectations of what the holidays should mean, you’ll need to explain that things might be different this year. Market the new-and-improved simplified holiday by telling them about your dreams and vision. For example, they may get fewer gifts, but they will get more time with you doing fun things. If you have specific plans to attend holiday events or do activities together instead of spending time shopping, tell them about those. Most kids will prefer the idea of more fun time with Mom and Dad to a pile of anonymous gifts.

Rather than piling up gifts under the tree over the course of December, we put a pile of (unwrapped) holiday-themed picture books under the tree to be pulled out and read together. This way, kids aren’t constantly fixated on the pile of wrapped gifts, wondering what they could be. (This strategy also prevents babies from eating too much wrapping paper!) We put all the wrapped gifts under the tree on Christmas Eve. 

Last year, when I was reading the Christmas chapter of Little House in the Big Woods with my son, we came to the part where the children opened their stockings on Christmas morning. Each child received a peppermint stick and a pair of red mittens, except for Laura, who received a doll. The author says that all the children “were all so happy they could hardly speak at first.” Can you imagine your children getting so excited over something so simple? Children are not naturally greedy, and no one wants their kids to fret constantly over the toys they didn’t get. This leads to entitlement and subsequent unhappiness. With simplified expectations comes increased gratitude in your children.

Make your vision clear to extended family

Grandparents and aunts and uncles often love to give holiday gifts to children, which can be a challenge if you are trying to take the focus off of gifts this season. As early as you can, try to explain your vision to your extended family, just as you explained it to your children.

Relatives may be on board, may even be excited about your simplified holiday, or they may not. Grandparents who are tired of the rush to buy gifts for multiple grandchildren may welcome the chance to relax. On the other hand, grandparents who are completely sold on the marketed version of the holidays may not understand. They might even be hostile toward your ideas, especially if you are trying to do something different from the way you were raised.

Try to be charitable and calm, and remember that one of your motivations for simplifying the holidays is to build better family relationships. If your relatives start throwing around the G-word, remind them that even the Grinch himself discovered that “Christmas doesn’t come from a store.” If necessary, it’s fine to set limits on the gifts your relatives give your children, as long as you do it with a spirit of gratitude. You wouldn’t want your children to learn bitterness from your exercise in making the holidays more meaningful!

Rest, and breathe

Finally, when it’s Christmas Eve and the stockings are hung (or not) and you didn’t do everything you wanted to do this season, or you did too much, cut yourself some slack.

Take time to breathe, relax, and love your partner and kids. Remember that the holidays are meant to be a time of rest and love.

The details are just details, and the holidays come around every year. If something worked well this year and you found yourselves building some wonderful family memories, then do it again next year. If something didn’t work, try it differently next year. But be sure to take a moment by the fire with some hot chocolate just to enjoy the season.

Our Homeschool Day in the life with a 5-, 3-, and 1-year-old

I haven't written much about our home preschool approach recently, but I'm linking up (a little late!) with the Simple Homeschool day in the life post.  As everyone says, there is really no "typical" day in our lives, but this one was fairly representative (at least of what I hope our days can be like :-)). We are pretty unschooly in our approach with these little ones, so you won't find any set curriculum or required schoolwork here, mostly just lots of play and reading.

This day was actually a Sunday, but we don't discriminate between days for the most part.

6:00 AM

The baby wakes up. She sleeps in our room, so she usually just plays on the floor for a while until I get up (which is decidedly not at 6 AM). Although I have ambitions of waking up before my kids, the baby still doesn't sleep through the night at 14 months, so early mornings just aren't happening this season.

8:00 AM

The older two kids wake up and start wandering in to our room.  I help get everyone dressed and downstairs.

9:00 AM

We have breakfast outside on this beautiful spring morning. I make two dozen muffins that only last us through the afternoon! The kids do some impromptu crafts with construction paper and scissors and then play in the digging/mud area in the backyard.

10:00 AM
The 14-month-old goes down for her nap. She is at an in-between stage when she sometimes takes two naps and sometimes just one. When she takes two naps, like she does today, she and my 3-year-old do tag-team naps and I never have more than one kid asleep at one time.

11:00 AM
I have been reading and loving Playing with Math, published by the Natural Math folks, so I am very motivated to let the kids "play math" as much as possible. I get out our Cuisenaire Rods and we play with them for a while, building pyramids this way and that and making designs and "trains."

12:00 PM
We spread out the picnic blanket in the backyard and read picture books in the sunshine.

12:40 PM
The baby wakes up and we have lunch. While the kids are eating, I read some poetry from The Random House Book of Poetry for Children. I have a list of about eight poems or so that I would like the kids to memorize (just to have in their repertoire, not to recite or anything), so I usually read a few of those every day, mixed in with some new ones.

1:10 PM
My 5-year-old is looking at a dinosaur book and discovers that it has games at the back, so we get out game pieces and a die and play it together (with "help" from the baby).

2:00 PM
The 3-year-old goes down for a nap, and I ride my bike to Trader Joe's (this is the only thing that probably wouldn't happen on a weekday). While I'm gone, the baby takes a second nap, and the 5-year-old plays a computer game with Daddy for a bit.

3:30 PM
Mr. 5 loves workbooks of various kinds, so he does some math games in one of his workbooks. My mother-in-law was the first to buy him a workbook when he was about 3 1/2, and I was none too pleased. I was afraid his creativity would suffer and that he would either become a slave to the directions or shy away from any writing or math as a result. As it happened, I left the workbook around for a while and never insisted he do it; he started picking it up from time to time on his own and doing some of the activities. He will occasionally ask us to read the instructions or help with an activity. We don't correct or grade them; I see them as just a supplement to what he learns through play. The grandmothers add workbooks to his collection, and he does them when the mood strikes.

5:00 PM
Miss 3 is up from her nap, and she and I make the blackberry fool from the lovely picture book A Fine Dessert with occasional help from Mr. 5.

6:30 PM
Daddy takes Miss 3 for a ride on his bike while I make dinner. We eat and then enjoy the blackberry fool.

8:00 PM
I put the baby down to bed while the two older kids get ready for bed. I read them a chapter from Ramona the Brave and lie down next to Miss 3 while she falls asleep. Mr. 5 stays up a bit longer reading and drawing in bed.

It is past 9:30 by the time all the kids are asleep. I do some laundry, and Daddy and I watch a DVD and read some before heading off to bed ourselves.

Thanks for joining us on our home preschool day!

How We Keep Toys Manageable (Part 2)

Last week, I wrote about how we keep toy clutter to a minimum in our home by remembering that kids don't need toys from a store and keeping toys simple and beautiful. 

Manage expectations

It's obviously okay to say "no" to a toy your kids want if it is not something you want to buy or have in your house for whatever reason. But how do we keep from running the gauntlet whenever we're in a store? How do we help our kids to be satisfied with what they have, not just to avoid clutter but as a good general life attitude? 

First, we stick to commercial-free TV or mute the commercials, especially around the holidays. Kids can't want something if they don't know it exists (and aren't bombarded with dishonest and manipulative advertising that they might not be able to understand yet). We love to tell a story from when my son was about 2 1/2. He had a new baby sister and so had been (ahem) watching a bit more TV than usual, to give Mama a bit of sanity. My own sister came to visit and was cleaning up a mess made by one of the kids when my dear boy recommended, "You should use Oxi-Clean. It gets out tough stains." Kids absorb advertising messages, whether or not they even understand what they're talking about!

When we go to a store that has toys, we try to explain ahead of time whether this will be a trip to get something for the child, to get something for someone else, or just to look (these trips are rare). I like to have some stores where I never buy toys, like the supermarket, Target, and Ross. We might look, we might get crayons or other art supplies, but not toys. Now they rarely ask for toys in those stores.

Finally, we find that having fewer toys, mixing things up by rotating toys (more on that next), playing outside, and playing with our kids can help them appreciate and enjoy what they already have. 

Purge and rotate

Whenever I am starting to feel overwhelmed by the volume or quality of toys in my home, I purge! Get rid of (or fix) those broken toys that are hanging around, and donate or sell ones your kids have outgrown or that don't promote the kind of play you want in your home (or if you just hate them, that's okay too).

If you still have more toys out in the living area or your kids' rooms than you want, start a toy rotation: box up some of the toys for storage, especially if you have several different versions of a similar kind of toy, such as puzzles or play sets. Rotate toys out and back on a biweekly or monthly basis so toys will stay fresh and new in your kids' minds. Kids will also be able to play better with more space and fewer choices.

Keep grandparents in the loop

I don't know about your parents, but ours LOVE to buy toys for our kids. Love it. It can get a little crazy around Christmas and the birthdays, which in our case is one month-long celebration. While we are grateful for their generosity, we have found that we need to help them to channel their enthusiasm in directions that serve our vision and values for our family. 

Of course, if relatives give our children toys we don't want or have room for, we can always give them away, but I would rather they spend their gift money on things we can get behind. Websites like the SoKind Gift Registry sponsored by Center for a New American Dream can include secondhand items, experiences, donations to charity, and other alternative gifts. I recommend starting a registry well before the holidays or birthdays so givers have time to order things if necessary. 

Other alternatives to toys could include magazine subscriptions, museum or gift memberships, gift certificates for other family activities, experiences with the grandparents (get Grandma to take the kids to a jumpy castle place for a couple of hours - a gift for you too!), art supplies, or books (we rarely buy new picture books for the kids, but grandparents are happy to do so). 

If you need to, you can set a gift limit for birthdays and holidays (say, three gifts including one toy only). Try to explain your vision for your home, either in terms of avoiding clutter or encouraging imagination in your kids. I know from experience that limits without an accompanying explanation can lead to confusion, especially when you are choosing to do things differently than your own parents did.

Play!

This is probably the hardest suggestion for me to follow, considering all of the other things I need or want to do when we're at home. Without exception, getting involved and playing with my kids is the number-one way to keep toy clutter at bay. I am their favorite toy! When I play with my kids, either by building something with them out of K'NEX, doing a science experiment or craft, reading aloud, going outside with them, or making a block tower, a number of magical things happen. 

My kids are less likely to ask to watch TV or get new toys because they aren't "bored." I gain more of a sense of what they like to do and can suggest other activities when they tire of one game or another. They get the sense that their toys are interesting because Mama finds them interesting. They get new ideas for how to use the toys they have. As any parent knows, yelling "Go play with your toys!" while we are doing something of our own and ignoring the kid never works, no matter how many toys she has.

How do you avoid toy clutter in your home? 

How We Keep Toys Manageable (Part 1)

This is part of a series on my home decluttering efforts.

Most Americans assume that you cannot have a simple, clutter-free home with kids, and toys are a major reason for this assumption. Toys are seemingly pervasive where children are concerned: there are Christmas and birthday presents, gifts from visiting relatives, gifts from in-town relatives, souvenirs from vacations, and of course, toys from visits to the dentist, doctor, supermarket, and post office. We obviously don't have to get toys from every (or any!) one of these sources, but they are there, and it can be easy to give in a little too much and end up with toy clutter. I find that too many toys quickly make a house feel cluttered, which frustrates parents and frazzles kids.

Kids can become overwhelmed by too many toys and react in whatever way their craziness happens to tend (because we all have that crazy just waiting to come out). In one of my all-time favorite parenting books, Simplicity Parenting, Kim John Payne describes noticing that an overwhelming environment, including too many toys, clothes, and even books, caused undue stress in children, prompting them to display behaviors we associate with anxiety, OCD, and ADHD.

So... with all this temptation to keep getting fun, cute, and "educational" toys, what is a simplicity-minded parent to do?

Remember that kids don't need toys from a store

True confession: I really love buying toys for my kids. Not all toys; some I find unbelievably obnoxious, but when I feel like a particular toy will make a particular child happy, or contribute to an interest, or lead to some new ways of playing, I can be a woman possessed. I sometimes even feel annoyed at having to give away some of "my" toy ideas for my kids so relatives can buy them Christmas and birthday gifts. It's silly, but there it is.

That being said, my reasonable side tells me that in reality, kids don't need toys at all! Anyone who has observed children deep in play can attest to this. For about 20 minutes now, my kids have been digging in the dirt in our front yard. I believe they are pirates digging for buried treasure, and their tools consist of one adult trowel and one kid-sized sandbox shovel. The real toys are the rocks and the dirt, and these are free and plentiful.

A German kindergarten recently drew international media coverage for agreeing to participate in a research study to remove all the toys from the classroom for three months. At the end of the three months, there was less fighting and more imaginative play among the children than before the experiment. Instead of toys, we try to give our kids good outdoor space (including local parks and natural areas!), access to grown-up activities like cooking and cleaning, and lots of art supplies and library books.

Keep toys simple

The simpler a toy is, the more kids can do with it in imaginary play. A super turbo character superhero spacecraft with sound and light buttons does pretty much one thing, and the kids do pretty much one thing - push buttons. With these toys, kids aren't the creators of stories; they become toy operators. The toy is so complex and self-contained that it doesn't require any imagination. 

Simple toys like blocks and building toys, sticks, fabric for dress-up, pillows, ropes, and simple dolls and animals, can be used a million different ways, so kids don't need as many toys. They also evolve as the child grows. We have a set of wooden blocks that we got when my eldest was one year old, and four years later, our kids play with them almost every day, making complex structures or pretending they are treasures of one sort or another.

Let toys be beautiful

This may seem silly. What does it matter if toys are beautiful, and do kids really care? First of all (and this was our primary motivation when we started getting beautiful toys for our kids), handcrafted toys made of natural materials like wood and fabric look nicer in the adult areas of your home, which makes it look less cluttered (even when it is). I like to use natural woven baskets for toy storage, and canvas bags like these for plastic pieces, to make our home look more uniform and make cleanup easier. Bright plastic toys and storage bins stand out more against a background of adult decor.

As to whether kids enjoy beautiful toys more, a quote widely attributed to Plato has it that the most effective education for a child is to play amongst lovely things. With beautiful, natural toys, young children are exposed to a variety of textures and weights. They learn aesthetic principles by handling handcrafted items, and they can learn to imagine how their toys were made (and subsequently learn to make their own). 

To me, beauty is a good in and of itself, so filling our kids' lives with more beauty surely can't hurt. Finally, as an added bonus, beautiful toys cost more, so you (and the grandparents) will likely buy fewer of them!

Check in next week for Part 2 of how we manage toy clutter.

Our Favorite Children's Books (Ages 4-8)

(If you're looking for books for younger kids, check out my favorite books from birth to 3.)

Reading beautiful children's books aloud is one of my favorite perks of being a mom. No matter how our day goes, as long as we manage to fit in some good read-aloud time, I feel that my time has been well spent. Our time spent in books is fun, it's sweet, it's the cornerstone of our home preschool, and it sparks some of our best conversations.

I have found reading aloud to be more and more fun as our eldest can understand and pay attention to longer and more complex books. He still loves flap books and simple rhymes (which is lucky for our 2-year-old), but he can sit still for longer picture books and even some short chapter books.

When I say "sit still," of course, it is a relative term. He is still a 4.5-year-old boy. He might be in one of our laps, or he might be playing with clay (I save the real grown-up clay for when I'm reading a chapter book aloud), drawing, playing in the dirt, or whatever he can do and still listen.

My age range of 4 to 8 is just an estimate as I don't really know whether my 4-year-old will still enjoy these as an 8-year-old, but I can't see why not! We adults genuinely enjoy all of these, too.

This list is by no means even close to exhaustive. These are just a few of the many, many lovely books for kids of this age.

Picture books

The Pink Refrigerator  by Tim Egan

Metropolitan Cow and others by Tim Egan. In addition to unusual stories with moral lessons that don't punch you in the face, Egan's books also feature beautiful, walkable neighborhoods.

No Such Things by Bill Peet

Cyrus the Unsinkable Sea Serpent by Bill Peet

Encore for Eleanor by Bill Peet, and anything else by Bill Peet.

The Sneetches by Dr. Seuss. I cannot say that I enjoy reading much Dr. Seuss aloud, but this is one I can read over and over again.

Jumanji and others by Chris Van Allsburg

Lilly's Big Day by Kevin Henkes. If you're looking for an irrepressible and delightful heroine, Lilly is your mouse.

Sheila Rae, the Brave and others by Kevin Henkes

Sylvester and the Magic Pebble and others by William Steig

I'm a Frog! and other Elephant and Piggie books by Mo Willems. The Pigeon books are wonderful too, but Elephant and Piggie start treading into the beginning reader category without being mind-numbing to read aloud.

Frog and Toad are Friends and others by Arnold Lobel. These are another series of beginning reader books that are pleasant to read aloud.

Chapter books

Starting chapter books with a preschooler can feel both daunting and exciting. It is rewarding to finally get to some of the chapter book classics we remember, and yet we are still dealing with discriminating attention spans and wiggly bodies. I would recommend these as good first chapter books to read aloud.

Two Times the Fun by Beverly Cleary. This was one of the first chapter books we read with my son, and he loved it.

A Bear Called Paddington by Michael Bond

My Father's Dragon and sequels by Ruth Stiles Gannett

James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl. I loved Roald Dahl as a kid, but as a parent, I have found some of his novels to be darker than I remember. This one is a good bet for younger ones.

Mr. Popper's Penguins by Richard Atwater

Poetry

Scranimals by Jack Prelutsky. If you like Shel Silverstein, you will love Jack Prelutsky.

Behold the Bold Umbrellaphant by Jack Prelutsky

I've Lost My Hippopotamus by Jack Prelutsky

A Family of Poems edited by Caroline Kennedy

Shakespeare's Seasons by Miriam Weiner and Shannon Whitt. This is a gentle introduction to Shakespeare as short quotations from the Bard are paired with charming illustrations.

Nonfiction

I have been astounded by the variety and quality of children's nonfiction books. I am convinced that even for adults, there is a kids' nonfiction book to serve as the foundation for any area of interest. Now whenever I am looking to get a good overview of something, whether it's Shakespeare or Darwin, learning how to draw or how to play the guitar, I start in the kids' section.

Here are a smattering of books we have enjoyed so far.

The Magic School Bus Inside the Earth and others by Joanna Cole. Magic School Bus books are a bit tricky to read aloud because of all the different images and insets, but my son loves them and follows many of the scientific concepts. If the format becomes too cumbersome, I skip the sidebars and just read the story.

I Face the Wind and others by Vicki Cobb. These introduce basic concepts to the youngest scientists.

Motion, Magnets and More by Adrienne Mason. This is slightly more advanced than the Vicki Cobb books and introduces a variety of physical science concepts using simple experiments.

Sunshine Makes the Seasons by Franklyn M. Branley and other Let's-Read-and-Find-Out-Science books. Despite the cumbersome name, this series has something about pretty much any science question my son has thrown at me.

How People Learned to Fly by Fran Hodgkins

Pitter and Patter by Martha Sullivan. This playful book follows two drops of rain as they move through the water cycle.

On a Beam of Light: A Story of Albert Einstein by Jennifer Berne

Henri's Scissors, a picture book biography of Henri Matisse by Jeanette Winter

The Iridescence of Birds: A Book about Henri Matisse by Patricia MacLachlan


What have I missed? What are your favorite children's books for this age group?



  

Our (Home) Preschool

My eldest recently celebrated his third birthday, and for about six months or so, people have been asking us about preschool. "Is he going to preschool?" "Where is he going to preschool?" "I know of a great Waldorf-Montessori Spanish immersion classical school that I hear is good..." Apparently, in the quarter-century or so since I was a preschooler, preschool has become a "thing," especially among educated, middle-class parents. I didn't attend preschool as a child, and I get the feeling that preschool then was a different beast altogether.

For one thing, kindergarten seems to be getting more competitive. My sister recently told me that where she lives (a very wealthy, educated, high-tech region), kids are basically expected to come to kindergarten already knowing how to read. And there was the recent outpouring of concern on one side and rage on the other about the state of Oregon testing incoming kindergartners and finding them wanting. I find the trend of demanding more from young kids to be very sad, when it already feels that kids don't have enough time to be kids anymore. And as someone who loves and values reading, I find it troubling when I read research that kids who start formal literacy training at age 4 or 5 have the same reading outcomes but don't enjoy reading as much as those who start at 6 or 7.

Just a few days ago in the supermarket, a woman in her sixties or so asked me if my son, who was perusing the kids' birthday card display, was reading yet.
"No, he's only 3," I clarified, as he is tall for his age and often gets mistaken for a 4-year-old.
"Oh, well, you can still teach him at that age! I'm an old schoolteacher," she replied.
I really couldn't do anything but give her a strained smile in return. To what end and purpose should I try to make my 3-year-old learn to read? How exactly would his 3-year-old's life be improved by knowing how to read right now?

In defense of preschool, I know there are some wonderful preschools that let kids be kids and learn the way kids learn - through play, and lots of it. And if I didn't work from home and I had to deal with childcare anyway, I'm sure I would find a good play-based preschool. But for a number of reasons, we are doing preschool at home with my son. We didn't realize this was such a "thing," either. Sometimes people assume we plan to homeschool, which we don't, but for our situation, home preschool was a no-brainer.

And of course, even for the home preschool set, there are workbooks and videos and curricula galore. We have one such workbook that was given to us by a well-meaning relative, and though my son begs me to read the instructions and pretends to do the work, honestly, I feel like he will have to spend enough of his life filling in bubbles, if schooling continues on its current trajectory.

So then, what are we doing? Lately, I've been envisioning an unschooling / Waldorf approach, with good doses of:

• Outdoor free play time, every day if weather permits. This will be in our backyard, which has a variety of plants, a soon-to-be vegetable garden (I hope), a sandbox, lots of cozy hiding spots, and plenty of critters, or at any of our local playgrounds.
• Indoor free play, using open-ended toys made of (mostly) natural materials for optimum sensory experience and lots of imagination.
• Art, art, art: painting, drawing,collage, dough and eventually clay, nature and seasonal crafts, and crayoning (This is a fancy Waldorf way of saying "drawing with crayons." I feel fancy just saying it).
• Stories, both library books and stories we make up. 
• Nursery rhymes and songs with hand motions.
• Helping around the house. He helps in the kitchen, so he is learning hands-on about measuring, cutting and peeling vegetables, following a recipe, and all of the various chemical and physical processes that go into making bread rise or water boil, not to mention all the math involved in cooking. He has a child-size broom and dustpan, and there are child-accessible rags for cleaning up after spills.
• Child-directed learning. I don't know what this will look like just yet, but I love the idea of unschooling, and this is basically what this is - looking for learning opportunities everywhere, following the child's leading. When my son shows a new interest in something, I try to follow his lead by finding library books on the subject, telling stories about it, or finding other ways to explore it. Lately, he has been interested in bugs, especially spiders. We've read spider books (there are a lot!), looked for spiders around the house (there are a lot!), drawn webs together, and made a "web" out of rope.

You'll notice that this looks a lot like everyday life with little kids, and it absolutely is. We're combining these experiences with a bit of more structured time out of the house around other kids, such as library story time and the local children's museum. I don't know yet exactly what these years will look like, but I am feeling so blessed and excited to have this special time of learning with him.

Knitting Season

We are coming up on what is probably one of my favorite seasons: autumn. Summer is fun and active, simple in its small wardrobes and minimal planning requirements. But I have to confess that I really start to come alive during these first crisp mornings and evenings. My heart warms at the prospect of chilies and cornbread, stews to be stewed, babes to be bundled, leaves to be raked, hot cider to be sipped. Both of my babies have come of solid food age in the fall, and I delight in introducing them to squashes and sweet potatoes, apples, pears, pumpkins, and eventually the nourishing, warming soups of the season.

And of course, as a knitter, I relish being able to pull out those long-forgotten wool projects that hibernated patiently all summer.

With our cool summer nights in the Northwest, I am able to continue knitting with some cottons and linens during the warm months, but how satisfying to come back to the beloved woolens that will sustain our little and big ones through the winter. I have some cozy projects in the works as I dust off my list of 52 projects that I'm afraid I've neglected of late.

For my 8-month-old, I think she will require at least one more wool diaper cover from The Expectant Knitter in Malabrigo Merino Worsted. Because really, a sweet baby can just never have too many wool diaper covers. I have repurposed longies in the works for her too, from a lovely wool sweater that accidentally went through the washer.

This littlest one among us will also need a Christmas stocking soon enough. To be honest, our other three stockings have never actually been hung by the chimney with care, but we now have a beautiful working fireplace, so this must be the year! I've made basic 72-stitch (I think) stockings for each of us, with slight variations and unique color schemes (no red and green here) - I'm excited to pick out colors for our sweet girl.

As much as I love knitting for little babies, I can't forget my big boy, who is blessedly still young enough not to care how I dress him most of the time. For him, I have in mind a stash-breaking hipster sweater vest with a fun array of bold colors. I'm following the Kids' Vest pattern from More Last-Minute Knitted Gifts, and the yarn is a combination of KnitPicks Swish and Wool of the Andes, Malabrigo Merino again, and Cascade Superwash, and some in there that I don't even remember.

For myself (yes, Mama needs something too, don't we think?) my fall/winter bicycling wardrobe is crying out for some colorful arm warmers and knee socks. After SpokeFest a couple of weeks ago, I realized the beauty of arm warmers, which cut down on the chill as you start riding but can then be pushed up as you get warmer from riding. The same goes for knee socks, with the added benefit of being able to roll up your pant legs and avoid the chain without your legs getting cold. Thus, the cycling life and a hippie DIY wardrobe complement each other perfectly. I have the gorgeous Crystal Palace Sausalito on hand for either socks or arm warmers. Delicious.

Do you have any warm craft projects in mind for the fall season ahead?

Oh So Much Walking

As I've mentioned, we moved about a month ago from our suburban exile to an older, denser, more walkable neighborhood. Now, this isn't DC, we're not kidding ourselves; it is definitely not the "pop out the door at 10 PM to pick up a bag of chips" kind of convenience we're accustomed to, but that being said, so much about our new life here over the past month has been so glorious.

Walking is once again our go-to form of transportation. For quickness or convenience, we might jump on a bike or grab the bus, but for shorter trips to the park or grocery store, we need look no further than our own two (or four, or six) feet.

We're meeting our neighbors and others in our community. We walk past their houses, they walk past ours; we see kids and size them up for playmates. The denser neighborhood, sidewalks, and multiple walking destinations mean we just see our neighbors more.

We are developing systems and building up our resources. This sounds very unromantic. Let me explain: as opposed to driving a car, the car-free life is ultimately about problem solving. Still not romantic enough for you? Everything eventually falls into place and becomes second nature, but starting out in a new place (especially now with two kids, which we didn't have in DC), every trip requires an assessment of what methods will be most efficient - kids in the double stroller? Baby in the single stroller, toddler on his bike? Toddler in the single stroller, baby in a wrap? Walk? Bus? Bike? While it sounds tedious, I feel like this way of thinking makes me an active, thoughtful participant in my daily life and challenges me, keeping my brain from getting flabby. In this way, we also build up our repertoire of strategies for various key trips and our own personal resources for getting around and just dealing with life.

We feel healthier and stronger. Especially with the hills around our new home, it took only a few days for both of us adults to start feeling trimmer and stronger - no gym membership required for our needs. When movement is integrated into daily life, we're more likely to stick to a fitness routine (you know, the one called "life"). Our 2.5-year-old also gets a lot more opportunities to ride his little balance bike to "real" destinations (as opposed to riding in the driveway) because there are sidewalks anyplace we need to go.

Our kids get to see walking as the default form of human transportation. I'm often surprised when I bring up the importance of walking and walkable neighborhoods with new acquaintances, and after a blank look crosses their face, they clarify, "Oh, you mean like walking for transportation?" Well, yeah, like using your legs to get somewhere that you need to go. It's amazing that we have turned the most basic form of human transportation into an exercise regimen or a leisure activity. It is both of those, to be sure, but it is wonderful for kids to be able to see real grown-ups walking as a way of life.

40 Screen-Free Activities for Toddlers

The summer weather has officially arrived here in the Inland Northwest, and it is glorious.  Nothing makes one appreciate a dry climate like five years of DC summers.  Warm days, cool nights, children roaming free without fear of heat stroke or mosquitoes: just perfect. In the spirit of the season, and as a follow-up to my Screen-Free Week post a few weeks ago, I wanted to share a list I've been making of fun activities for toddlers that don't involve turning on the TV or sticking them in front of an iPad app.

Toddlers present a special case for parents committed to a screen-light lifestyle... while some might entertain themselves, many toddlers still need constant supervision, redirection, and structure to keep them busy and (mostly) uninjured all day.  I don't know about you, but I often need some creative ideas to keep the day moving and avoid the "just play with your toys, already!" directives (that somehow never work).  These ideas have the bonus of being free or inexpensive, for the most part.  Feel free to add your own favorite ideas in the comments!

Disclaimer: Some of the activities I recommend (such as stickers or trains) will be labeled for 3 years and up, but we have used them from 18 months or so with no problems. Use your own judgment and knowledge of your child's development to decide which activities will be fun and safe. And supervise your child. Duh.

1. Ride bikes, trikes, or scooters.  If you don't have one, check Craigslist or ask around to friends with older kids who might be trying to get rid of an outgrown model.
2. Help with gardening.  My almost-2 1/2-year-old can move dirt, water flowers, and sort of pull weeds.
3. Pretend play. Pretend to be farm animals, complete with sound effects.
4. Make your own play dough and play with it using cookie cutters, toothpicks, and chopsticks.
5. Play with dry beans in containers, or make pictures using glue sticks and beans.
6. Pasta necklaces - a classic.
7. Make your own shapes box by cutting shapes out of a shoe box and making or finding objects that fit through the holes.
8. Make a play oven out of a medium-sized moving box. If you have some old pots and pans or utensils lying around, let your toddler keep them in his own "kitchen."
9. Stickers. We have gotten hours of entertainment out of just stickers and paper.
10. Finger or brush paints. For an older toddler, I think brushes make less of a mess than finger paints.
11. Wooden train sets - check Craigslist for parents getting rid of whole sets, rather than buying the pieces one at a time.
12. Or make your own train by tying shoe boxes together.  Your child's stuffed animals can ride in the "cars."
13. Make blocks out of square tissue boxes or milk cartons. Big blocks make for a big (and relatively quiet) tumble when knocked down!
14. Make a playhouse from larger appliance boxes.
15. Design a maze or tunnel out of large cardboard boxes for your child to crawl through.
16. Make a car, airplane, or boat out of a cardboard box for your child to sit in.
17. Decorate any of your cardboard box creations with stickers!
18. Glue fuzzy balls or small pieces of paper to a larger piece of paper to make a collage.  It won't look like much at this age, but your toddler will enjoy it.
19. Sing songs together.  
20. Go to the library!  Many libraries have baby or toddler story time. 
21. Read library books together. The wonderful thing about library books for toddlers is that the 3- or 4-week checkout window is just perfect for a toddler's attention span. By the time your child is growing tired of the same books, it's time to take them back anyway! Our local library has book bags available with a theme (family, colors, food, animals...) for toddlers and preschoolers that make it easy to run in and out with an active child and still get some good books.
22. Help with baking. Toddlers can pour measured ingredients, stir batter (with help), and put utensils in the sink.
23. Finger knitting. I confess I haven't tried this yet, but it sounds fun.
24. Playing with a ball of yarn (with supervision, of course).
25. Dirt. We had three cubic yards of dirt delivered for our flower beds and garden (pictured above). Never have you seen a happier boy.
26. Mud. This is advanced dirt.
27. Water. In cups, in tubs, in tubes. Make a "water wall" with containers designed to overflow into each other. Water.
28. Make a simple matching game with stickers, stamps, or your own drawings on poster board cards.
29. Teach your child to stitch using a blunt needle, yarn, and plastic mesh.
30. Play instruments. You can play the piano or guitar, or your child can play a harmonica, kazoo, recorder, or drums (at your own risk).
31. Plant a garden together outside or potted herbs inside (from seeds, so you can watch them grow together).
32. Sprout beans in a jar.
33. Make clothespin dolls (old-fashioned clothespins without metal springs work best).
34. Puzzles - make your own, or find on Craigslist or at garage sales.
35. Attach chopsticks together with a rubber band and rolled-up chopstick wrapper, and use them to pick up small objects and put them in a box.
36. Sidewalk chalk.
37. Tear up paper that needs to be recycled anyway - catalogs, newspapers, magazines, and junk mail.
38. Take a short walk with your toddler on foot. You can take the opportunity to teach some pedestrian safety, and she will find lots to entertain her along the way!
39. Build a fort from furniture and blankets. 
40. Play with your child! Often when I feel frustrated that my toddler isn't playing with his toys, I realize I've been trying to dictate his play from across the room, rather than getting down and actually playing with him. Sometimes all I have to do is to sit down on the floor with my own book or knitting, and this is enough to make him comfortable that he isn't missing out on any fun grown-up stuff up there.

Screen-Free Week Reflections

Screen-Free Week and I have a tenuous relationship.  If you're not familiar with the week, it is during the last week of April every year, sponsored by the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood and promoted by other lovely organizations like Center for a New American Dream and Simplicity Parenting.  I say we have a tenuous relationship because limited screen time is one (very important, I think) element of simple living that I have never really been able to get a grasp on.

We had a TV, VCR, and Nintendo (the original) in my house growing up, with fairly few restrictions on our viewing except for content (I remember that MTV and VH1 were blocked, and we weren't allowed to watch the Simpsons). In spite of the relative lack of limits on screen time itself, most of my childhood memories involve outdoor play, make-believe, reading, and riding bikes. I had a few shows that were my favorites (Garfield and Friends, My Little Pony, Reading Rainbow, the TGIF and Snick lineups, oh how I'm dating myself...), but I could watch one show or play one level of a video game and be done. Playing with toys or outdoors had much more of a draw for me, at least from what I remember.  As a teenager, I was obsessed with my couple of favorite shows and had to see them every week or record them (this was before Hulu, Netflix, episodes posted online, or even DVDs of whole TV shows).  Thinking back, my fixation with Lois and Clark or Mulder and Scully, characters who weren't real, was probably not terribly healthy.

Fast-forward to adulthood.  First as a college student (no TV unless my roommates had one), then a full-time volunteer living with other volunteers (a tiny old TV with no cable), then a newlywed (TV but still no cable), I made an effort to assess and reassess my TV consumption often and keep it limited. Now, as a parent of young children, I've gone back and forth over whether we should have a TV at all, where it should be in the house, and how we should use it. I admit to having used the TV as a babysitter, but I've also discovered some PBS shows that I think my son has genuinely learned from.

It's a tough line to walk for me, as I have a number of competing desires: I LIKE watching TV, especially movies; my husband likes TV, and it is something we have done together and from which we have lots of inside jokes. I also have two small children and I worry about TV's effects on their brain development/creativity/learning/morals, but at the same time, I need a shower and I need to work once in a while, and TV does hold my very active two-year-old's attention better than any other activity (which is quite scary). And yes, I do think TV has something to offer in terms of educational value (obviously not to the exclusion of actual human interaction). With those caveats in mind, I have always wanted to give Screen-Free Week a shot, which brings us to last week.

As it happened, I have to confess that it turned out to be "screen-free between the hours of 8 and 6, Monday through Friday" week, but in our current situation, this was all I could ask for. My parameters were: no TV during those hours, no blogs or Facebook for me, no online cartoons for my toddler; I only allowed myself to check email (I work from home, so can't be unreachable) and necessary sites (banks, Google maps, etc.). We were coming off of some screen-heavy weeks thanks to my heavy workload, so this was quite the change.

I expected my two-year-old to beg for Sesame Street, Dinosaur Train, and Daniel Tiger, but in fact, he barely seemed to care that the TV was off.  He still sang his songs from these shows (it's creepy how he remembers them), but he didn't ask to watch them, mostly because we got busy with other activities. With ideas from Joyful Play with Toddlers  from the library, we made Play-Dough porcupines and forests (with toothpicks), and tunnels, a play house, a sit-in airplane, and a play oven, all out of cardboard boxes. We read dozens of library books. I knitted; my son actually played with his toys and tried to show his baby sister how to play with his toys. We went to the park almost every day, and I got to talk to actual adults there. I didn't miss my blogs or Facebook (much), and my son wasn't begging me to watch his favorite videos or trying to type on the keyboard because I wasn't at the computer. In fact, I had a lot fewer discipline issues with him overall because I was actually physically and mentally present with him, rather than yelling corrections at him from across the room. I felt like a better parent, and I daresay he learned even more from me than from Sesame Street. It was also much easier to keep to a schedule, without the distractions of internet rabbit trails or one "quality" children's program after another. For that or some other reason, my son took naps four days in a row, for the first time in months.

During Screen-Free Week, my second cousin had a baby, and I didn't find out about it until days later because I wasn't on Facebook (I had to hear about it from my mom, who is on Facebook.). And you know what? No one noticed that I didn't comment on her cute baby photos. No one felt slighted, I didn't feel out of the loop (in fact, it was kind of freeing not to be involved in everyone's life all. the. time.). That baby was no less loved because I wasn't virtually "there" to take notice of him. Her baby wasn't less loved, but my babies were so much more loved due to my presence and attention to them.

Our TV probably isn't going into the dumpster or onto Craigslist anytime soon (much as I might enjoy that). But, I will say that the TV has naturally come on less and less often since Screen-Free Week. I am sticking to my policy of no TV during the daytime, and limiting my own computer use during the times of day when I am alone with my kids. This does require more work from me during this particular stage of parenting - I often need to redirect my two-year-old to new activities, or even create new activities for him.  I need to assess his mood and the situation to decide whether we need to start a new activity or get outside or go to the park.  But, I can see how this extra work early on in my children's lives will cultivate the springs of creativity that they will draw on later to keep themselves engaged. Even with just one week of screen-light, interaction-heavy time, I can see my son's attention span growing. And the bonus for me?  I'm feeling the creative juices flowing again as well, thinking about gardening and writing and knitting and sewing and drawing (I can't draw). Is that worth missing a few hours of TV or Facebook?  I'm thinking yes.

Did you participate in Screen-Free Week?  How do you and your family deal with screens in your home?

P.S. A book I found inspiring during the week was Living Outside the Box: TV-Free Families Share Their Secrets by Barbara Brock.

Book List

I would like to write reviews for some of these eventually, but in the meantime, here are some of my favorite books about smart growth and walkability, simple living, creativity, and parenting.

Smart Growth and Walkability

How to Live Well Without Owning a Car: Save Money, Breathe Easier, and Get More Mileage out of Life by Chris Balish

Walkable City: How Downtown Can Save America, One Step at a Time by Jeff Speck

The Smart Growth Manual by Andres Duany, Jeff Speck, and Mike Lydon

The Space Between: A Christian Engagement with the Built Environment by Eric O. Jacobsen

Pocket Neighborhoods: Creating Small-Scale Community in a Large-Scale World by Ross Chapin

Everyday Bicycling: How to Ride a Bike for Transportation (Whatever Your Lifestyle) by Elly Blue

Crafts, Cooking, and Creativity

Knitting for Baby by Melanie Falick and Kristin Nicholas

The Expectant Knitter: 30 Designs for Baby and Your Growing Family  by Marie Connolly

More Last-Minute Knitted Gifts by Joelle Hoverson and Anna Williams

Simply in Season by Cathleen Hockman-Wert and Mary Beth Lind

The Creative Family: How to Encourage Imagination and Nurture Family Connections by Amanda Blake Soule

Handmade Home: Simple Ways to Repurpose Old Materials into New Family Treasures by Amanda Blake Soule

Family, Parenting, Simplicity, and General Life

In Praise of Slowness: Challenging the Cult of Speed by Carl Honore

The Rhythm of Family: Discovering a Sense of Wonder through the Seasons by Amanda Blake Soule and Stephen Soule

Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids by Kim John Payne

The Baby Book: Everything You Need to Know About Your Baby from Birth to Age Two by William Sears, Martha Sears, Robert Sears, and James Sears

Living Outside the Box: TV-Free Families Share Their Secrets by Barbara Brock

Heaven on Earth: A Handbook for Parents of Young Children by Sharifa Oppenheimer

Making hand-me-downs work for children of different genders

I've been writing a lot about walkability/biking/transit/smart growth and how they relate to simpler parenthood, but I'd like to continue in the simple living thread by discussing how we can reuse kids' items, especially when we have kids of different genders. Conventional wisdom says that kids are expensive, but parents can usually choose to spend significantly less than the standard "cost per child" figures commonly tossed around. One logical way to do that is to reuse items from one child to the next as much as possible, but parents might wonder what to do when they have children of different genders.  Here are some of my ideas after having a boy and a girl in immediate succession.

1. Plan for hand-me-downs starting with your first child

First of all, if you suspect you might eventually have more than one child, start planning for it by getting (buying, registering for, inheriting, finding on Craigslist, or making) baby supplies accordingly when you are expecting your first child. 

This might mean getting higher-quality items that cost a bit more so they will last through a second or third child, which will cost less in the long run. This is especially true for the big-ticket items like strollers. 

It might meaning using cloth diapers, which can typically be reused through at least two children, unlike disposable diapers (that would be gross).

If you are on a tight baby budget, it might be tempting to skip the infant car seat and go straight to a convertible car seat.  However, if you plan on having children within a few years of each other, keep in mind that your oldest might still be using the convertible car seat when the second baby comes along, necessitating a second car seat anyway. We decided on an infant car seat (which is also infinitely easier to transport on foot if you are car-free with a baby, the subject of another post altogether) and got a convertible car seat when our oldest was almost 12 months old.

2. Get gender-neutral basics

This is more difficult than it sounds, which you will undoubtedly know if you have walked into a Gymboree lately. Children's clothing manufacturers don't want you to buy gender-neutral clothes that can be reused for second and subsequent babies. They want your girls in princess dresses and your boys in baseball uniforms so you will have to buy a brand-new wardrobe when that opposite-sex sibling comes along. Besides being not a little ridiculous (Do strangers really need to know whether your child is a boy or a girl at one month old? Are you planning on marrying them off anytime soon?), buying a completely gender-specific wardrobe is hardly cost-effective for clothes that will be outgrown after a few weeks anyway.

Basics like onesies, socks, cloth diaper covers, and sometimes sleepers and pants can usually be found in gender-neutral colors or good old-fashioned white. If you're having trouble finding neutral clothes, check the boys' section. Blame it on sexism, but boys' clothes tend to be or at least seem more neutral than girls' clothes. Boys's clothes often include green, gray, yellow, and red, while most girls' clothes go for the pink and purple. It is generally more acceptable for a girl to wear blue than for a boy to wear pink, so between real neutrals and some neutral-ish boys' clothes, you will be set with a wardrobe of basics than can be worn by a son or daughter. 

3. Get gender-neutral gear and toys

Your car seat, stroller, swing, bouncer, etc. do not need to be in gender-specific colors, and there are many gender-neutral options for these items. Paying hundreds of dollars for a new crib just so little Reagan can have a pink one is unnecessary. In my opinion, baby carriers and diaper bags belong to the parent's wardrobe, not the baby's, so you can go crazy with the design that matches your own personal style. That being said, if you expect Daddy to carry the baby or the bag, just say "no" to the purple Moby and opt for something more neutral. 

Toys, like baby gear, have become surprisingly more gender-specific over the years, as marketers have discovered that parents will pay for a brand-new toy collection if toys are marketed in terms of "his" and hers." For a fascinating look at gender in toy marketing, check out this article on the Center for a New American Dream blog. In the meantime, there are many wonderful toys that are for everyone. Classic toys like blocks, puzzles, wagons, books, and balls, and creative toys like crayons and other art supplies, transcend gender. For big purchases like bicycles and scooters, try to find (again, often marketed as "boys'") red or green items rather than ones with very gender-specific designs or characters. You can even find toy kitchens, dolls, or workbenches that are gender-neutral enough to suggest that either girls or boys can cook, have children, build things, and otherwise engage in human life. By following these toy suggestions, you will also likely avoid the Disneyfied, mass-marketed, and mass-produced toys in favor of handmade or small company's toys (search Etsy for wooden toys, dolls, Waldorf toys and Montessori toys, for a start).

4. Buy or make a few special items

There's no shame in sometimes wanting to dress your baby in gender-specific clothes, and the easiest and most cost-effective way to do this is to get (request, register for, find on Craigslist, or make) a few special items for your baby: a cute dress or two per season for a girl, or an Easter vest or button-down shirt for a boy. These can be paired with neutral items for a feminine or masculine effect, without doing the whole outfit, every day. Trust me, if you put a sweet A-line tunic on your daughter, no one will notice that airplane sleeper underneath (and since when do only boys ride in airplanes, anyway?). Extra points if you stitch or sew your special items for your cherubs - these will be special not only for your little boys and girls, but also for a niece, nephew, a friend's child, or even a grandchild! Now that is what I call an efficient hand-me-down.      

  

52 Projects (or 36 and counting...)

In addition to the benefits of a car-free lifestyle, I recently stumbled upon another way to motivate myself to devote time to creative pursuits this year: the 52 projects. The idea is nothing revolutionary, just making a list of 52 creative projects (large or small) to accomplish in 2013. There is a book entitled 52 Projects: Random Acts of Everyday Creativity  if you need some inspiration.

So far I only have 36 on my list but I'm sure I'll add more as the year goes on. The list has already inspired me to start or finish some projects, such as (ahem) this blog. Others on the list include some long-unfinished objects of the knitted variety, simple finishing touches that will make objects usable (finally putting names on our Christmas stockings, for example), a baby scrapbook for my second-born, homemade birthday cakes for the family birthdays this year, and projects to harness my interest in creative writing.

I love having plenty of endeavors on tap for those lovely, stolen moments of creativity.

Creativity and the Car-Free Life

In the midst of daily life with little ones, how easy it is to forget our own personal and creative pursuits! One more meal, one more load of laundry, one more diaper, and soon the day is over and we don't know exactly what we did all day. A certain amount of "accomplishment amnesia" is inevitable when one's primary responsibility is to keep small humans alive for one more day.

But whether we work from home, work away from home, or primarily take care of home and children, we all need personal pursuits. They maintain our balance and sanity and remind us that we are still individuals. We have passions, abilities, interests, and Selves that will ideally live on well after our kids are grown, and we still need to cultivate those now.

This is one reason why I love not having a car, even in our current not-ideal-for-walking situation. But wait a minute, you might think, doesn't a car leave you more free time for creative pursuits? You get your errands done sooner and voilà, look at all the time that is left over. That is supposed to be the idea, but it doesn't always work out that way, does it? How much time is wasted sitting in traffic, finding parking spaces, loading children in and out of car seats, or waiting for car repairs? And with the possible exception of waiting on car repairs, none of that time is relaxing or free time for personal endeavors.  Having a personal automobile also leads to a habit of going places in the car just because it's there, circling retail establishments and thinking about the things we might "need." Hardly a recipe for creativity or frugality or simplicity, for that matter. Instead of investing time on what we really and truly want to accomplish, we fall into the trap of going and going "just because".  I know because I find myself doing the same thing whenever I am driving a car.

By contrast, when I go anywhere walking or biking, I am getting exercise, getting rid of stress, and spending valuable brainstorming time on my various creative projects. When I take public transit, I don't need to focus on the road, so I can read, write, or even knit. Being car-free usually means combining trips to the store or other errands, so the time spent on those necessary activities is combined, leaving more free time at home and more fulfilling and fruitful travel time as well.

Meet Walking Mama

Welcome to A Walking Mama.  I'm Heather, wife to a Really Smart Guy and mama to two little ones under the age of 4. We live a rich and fulfilling life without owning a car, and here I will focus in part on our carfree adventures and ideas for living more joyously without always depending on a personal automobile.

Walking is as central an activity to the human species as eating, sleeping, or breathing.  Sadly, though, in much of postwar America, the walking human has been relegated to outsider status to make way for the automobile. I will use this space to explore ideas about smart growth and strategies for recreating our cities on a human scale, with a particular eye to how growth policies affect families with children. If you care about anything - children, culture, beauty, recreation, health, social justice, prosperity - you should care about smart growth.

The other "walking" I do is more metaphorical: living on a human scale with my children and myself, trying to move slowly, simply, and deliberately through my days.  This means avoiding consumerism and the focus on more, better, and faster stuff. It means appreciating simple pleasures, enjoying public goods, respecting the natural rhythms of childhood and the seasons, and pursuing creativity in our home. Walking together, engaging our minds and bodies in our everyday pursuits,  is what we are trying to do in life and as a family.